By Joanne Goldwater, Associate Dean for Retention & Student Success/

Seahawk Family Liaison

Congratulations! You have an emerging adult on your hands. Woo hoo!

Giving your student their “wings” is an important step for parents and families. As young adults, they need to learn to take care of themselves, speak up for what they need and want, ask for help, and manage their lives (after all, you don’t want to be paying their credit card bill when they’re 35, right?). But, just because your student goes off to college does not mean that they no longer need or want your advice, support, and sometimes, your assistance. So, why, how, and when should you contact the college and when should you stand by and allow your student to handle their challenges?

Common Challenges that Students Should Handle Themselves:

• Roommate problems
• Grade conflicts & missing assignments
• Minor conduct violations
• Dislike an instructor’s teaching style
• Getting accommodations
• Looking for/applying for a campus job
• Submitting requests, reports, etc.
• Awareness of upcoming deadlines
• Regularly checking their email
• Finding an academic advisor
• Picking a major/minor
• Using the Portal (course schedules, grades, etc.)
• Requesting copies of health records
• Making their own medical appointments
• Scheduling/attending meetings
• Arranging off-campus transportation
• Maintenance issues

Times When Parents May Want to Contact the College

• A significant change in the student’s behavior, mental/physical health
• A change in the family that may impact the student academically, emotionally, financially, psychologically (e.g. divorce, death in the family, foreclosure, loss of a job, etc.)
• An emergency or dangerous situation exists
• A situation does not get any response even after the student makes multiple attempts
• To thank someone for their help, support

WHY?

You assist:

• Because you love your child!
• You want what’s in your student’s best interest.
• You want to stay connected with your student.

Remember –

• It is your job to empower your student to learn how to handle challenges they may face.

HOW?

What you should do:

• Listen to your student without judgment, blame. Help your student identify what the real issues are.
• Advise and support your student.
• Encourage your student to discuss the issue with the right person on campus (e.g., discuss a roommate problem with their roommate and/or their RA or RHC; discuss an academic issue with their instructor or academic advisor during “student visiting hours”; discuss other issues with a staff member in the Office of Student Success Services or with the Dean of Students, etc.).
• If you feel like you need to contact the College, feel free to start with the Seahawk Family Liaison (Joanne Goldwater). I can help parents cut through the red tape.
• If it is an emergency situation, please contact Public Safety (see below)

What NOT to do:

• Call a roommate’s parents, friends of your student, the student’s instructor or advisor, the College President.
• Attend a conduct hearing

WHEN?

You should contact the College:

• Sooner rather than later, especially if your student is exhibiting unusual behavior.
• If all of your advice has been tried and your student is still having trouble.

BONUS: Who to Contact?

Public Safety (24/7): 240-895-4911

Seahawk Family Liaison: 240-895-4388, families@smcm.edu (Glendening 230)

Office of Student Success Services: 240-895-4388, os3@smcm.edu (Glendening 230)

Dean of Students: 240-895-4209, dmyoung@smcm.edu (Campus Center 143)

Office of Residence Life: 240-895-4207 (Glendening 150)

Wellness Center: 240-895-4289

 

Please remember:  We want to partner with you to provide the highest level of support possible. At the same time, you want to avoid becoming the “helicopter” (hovering), “Blackhawk” (shooting down), “snowplow” (plowing over), “lawnmower” (cutting down everything in your path) parent. When you allow your student to face challenges by limiting your involvement, you give them a chance to mature, learn important skills, learn how to be responsible and accountable, gain confidence, and help them with “adulting 101”.